Life

Sometimes things get really hard and my emotions want to take over. Its almost as if I get in this place where I'm forced to surrender and bow down to them, not wanting to.

Thoughts and ideas that want to attack,

things that aren't true

things that don't speak of hope, love, faith

despite whatever situation, whatever giant hunting me, screaming out my biggest fears,

in those situation I feel helpless, alone and very human

but then there's God,

wanting me not to give up,

to keep believing in all that he is,

and the thing that I thought was a curse, a hardship, is placed right in front of me so that I can conquer,

stand up to,

something to make you stronger, better,

allowing that struggle, that pain, that suffering to work its magic in me,

even when nothing makes sense and seems almost the opposite of who he is and has been for me in the past,

to stand when everything feels like its pushing me, pressuring me to make a move,

to do something, to be a go getter, to fixs it myself because what will people say? becasue people will think I'm lazy

which leds to this endless cycle of constant running with absolutely no purpose, no guidance

and at the end of it all you are is tired,

ohhh sooo tired running after stuff,

when God has called you to be still in the midst of disaster,

while wondering if he forgot about you,

being brutally honest and having angry conversations with God,

wanting an answer, wanting to be heard but accepting that that answer may not come until I am ready to hear,

Despite whatever dilemma, whatever circumstance, whatever situation that just happened and shook the ground under my feet,

whatever circumstance that didn't go as planned

 God is good when he doesn't have to be,

he doesn't have to do or be anything

but he longs to and delights in doing so,

he works everything out for those who love him,

it's so easy to forget that it's not about me,

that this isn't my own little movie and I am not the star attraction,

it's about him and the kingdom,

about loving people,

about showing, being, giving heaven to other people who constantly live in this cloud of confusion, torture always being controlled by their emotions or additions

in this place where there is no freedom to simply be

to simply be me

God is just trying to free us from our-selves so that I can finally be me and experience him the way he intended

Slay me O Lord

The bible says "you will know them by their fruit....you will know who they are by the way they love.."

I lack love,

The love that I say I have for people is conditional,

It's based on the mood I'm in that day,

It's limited and if you push me.....

I'll quit and move on to something or someone else who's appreciative,

My emotional nature is immature and hates to be corrected who are you to tell me what to do

While doing things in the name of God I end up doing more harm than good

Lacking fruit

And leaving a bad taste of Christian in people's mouth

And the cycle repeats itself,

It's almost like being struck  in the rinse cycle

something's not adding up

 "you will know them by the way they love.."

And you will know them by the way they don't love

which category does that leave me in

Slay me O Lord

To not love means to not know you

which assumes that if I do not know you then I cannot possibly love you though I think I do

There's something wrong

There has to be more

This can't be it

Slay me O Lord

I can easily stay here and pretend to be satisfied with church on Sundays and bible study throughout the week

volunteering here and there and giving food to the homeless

and yet I'm uncomfortable

Slay me O Lord

This can't be the reason of your sacrifice

Slay me O Lord

Story Time

So yesterday was the start of an extremely interesting day. I made a new friend last week, who's filled with so much love and joy. She's an older woman in her 40's, who used to be homeless at one point of her life. And she's about to get evicted from her new home this weekend.

We met at a bible study last week and she mentioned that she loves to dance and wanted to start a dance group. I told her I would join her. And so we met up yesterday and she took me to a bible study in this really cool store called The Free Store in Charlotte. The free store is this place where you can get clothes, books or toys in exchange for something else. This place basically creates a safe place for homeless people to sit on the porch for awhile, have some good conversation and teaches about the word. I had the pleasure yesterday of being apart of their bible study and oddly enough I felt very comfortable, though it was obvious I wasn't homeless. I didn't feel judged or looked at funny. Everyone just kind of did their own thing, I felt as if I was at home and able to be myself without hesitation. I started thinking how I'm just as homeless as they are, I'm finding my place here in this world just like them, I have nothing in my name, nothing that I can boast about but free in Christ and enjoying His presence with the company of these amazing people who hide nothing. They are who they are, and in their company it was easy to put my guard down so that I can simply be who I am. No pretending, no masks, no walls, just me.

 

Then after the bible study my new friend and I started to get right into the dance routine on the porch. When people saw us it was obvious that we had no clue of what we were doing but it brought us joy dancing and brought others the joy of making fun of us.

Once we got finished with our routine my friend invited me to eat lunch at a local church across the street and of course I couldn't say no and tagged along with her and her friends. So there I was in a soup kitchen standing on line with everyone else, tray in hand, waiting to get some free food that was designed for the homeless. I kept thinking to my-self  am I even allowed to be doing this? what am I doing here?

But though it was a little uncomfortable waiting to be questioned by the soup kitchen authorities, I think yesterday was amazing. I had fun, I danced, I met some great kind-hearted people, we read the bible and ended the day with a good meal. I couldn't of planned that better my-self. We'll just see where God takes me with this, I'm still following the yellow brick road and ready to receive anything God throws my way.

I'm going back today....and expecting my dear sweet prince to be waiting for me to get there.

Home....

It feels strange to be back sometimes. I'm no longer living with my roommates, figuring out what it means to be normal, back in the American culture.

I still haven't begun to process Argentina, my experience, how I've changed, the things I've learned, the struggles I faced. I'm kind of waiting for that day, when everything hits you all at once. When I'm face to face with reality and break down because I'm feeling too many emotions at once.  

I'm trying to really figure out what I've learned, to then learn how to apply that to my life. To figure out what that looks like here in America. What does it mean to love people here or is it the same in every language, wherever I go. 

I also have to make a decision about where I'm off to next: Do I Stay here in Charlotte, go to NY, make a life for myself in Atlanta or elsewhere.

For now, I'm living day by day. Holding on to Him tightly, especially on those days when nothing makes sense and I start asking myself what am I doing here?  I'm following the yellow brick road, anticipating surprises and holding on to the only thing that is stable in my life. 

Grace

 

Before coming to Argentina I had absolutely no idea of what I was getting myself into, completely clueless of what to expect. The only thing I knew, was that God was calling me here and I couldn’t miss this opportunity. The chance to see God at work and learn from Him. Learn the unforced rhymes of grace, learn his movements, his view on life, the way his heart bleeds for people, to experience his intimacy and to admire His craftsmanship. Those were my reasons for coming and through this journey God has been showing me so much more.

The church in which we are assigned is a church that has been through a lot physically as well as emotionally. There´s a lot of pain and confusion among the members due to difficult experiences that I rather not discuss. But despite all the physical damage, the building still remains standing and its people remain faithful. The other day my roommate Caty and I started cleaning out one of the rooms in the church that was kind of forgotten because it was an overwhelming mess. This room used to be a Sunday school room but was now filled with lots of junk and moldy wood from a flood that happened a couple of years ago. And as we were cleaning the room, it gave me a picture of what redemption looks like and how we are apart of that redemption process for the church. In a weird way while cleaning and getting rid of trash, I started getting a better understanding of what the church has been through and the sensitity and grace that was needed on my part. And just as we were cleaning and restoring that room, God was and is doing the same in the church. I’m seeing first hand God’s promise when he says “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” 1peter 5:10.

The process of being caught in the middle of all this confusion and heartache has not been easy for any of us, including the members of the church. But I have learned so much from these inspiring people. Their lives speak powerfully about perseverance, endurance, strength, hope, grace, faith, justice, redemption and most importantly love. Living here in the church (literally) I have seen charetor that is admirable and noble. I´m learning that nothing is perfect and the only thing that is stable is God. Here I´m seeing how God has not abandon nor shut his ear to his people. He hears their cries and sees their tears just like it says in Psalms 56:8 “you’ve kept track of every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledge, each ache written in your books”. I love that we serve a God who not only listens and understands but also responds. A God who see our struggles and helps us, not by taking it away (though that’s what I usually ask for) but by giving us the strength and endurance to go through it. 

 

I love you all and miss you dearly,

Meroe

Argentina Adress

Write me a letter guys!! I would love to hear from you!

Meroe Liranzo

Iglesia La Mision
Avenida Varela 1420 Ca.Ba
Buenos Aires 1406
Argentina

CROHN'S

To be quite honest returning to Argentina and everything that came with it was probably one of the toughest decisions I had to make.  To leave home, my family and everything familiar and returning to the feelings of uncomfortableness and having my sins/weaknesses  revealed did not seem intriguing. And during the 10 hour flight back to Buenos Aires I kept asking myself, Why am I going back?

Well I think I finally have an answer....Crohn's Disease

My journey of getting sick and living in and out of hospitals. Getting treated like an experiment, not being able to eat or drink anything for weeks. Having machines hooked up to me and "feeding" me the nutrition I would get from food (like calcium, vitamins etc). Feeling those extremely familiar stomach pains that were so desperately unbearable that I had no choice but to go directly into the emergency room. Screaming at the top of my lungs for God and asking him to save me. Trying diet after diet in search of hope. Not having enough money to buy my medicine, crying in front of nurses when they told me there's nothing they can do for me. Not being allowed to see the doctors because I owed unpaid hospital bills.

That was my darkest most tragic moment. However, it was also the most intimate and magical moment I have ever encountered with God. That, is what made it all worth it. That, He, is why I would do it all over again. Though Argentina is hard and it hurts and it's challenging and uncomfortable. Though most days I can't handle it anymore and pray for God to send me home. It's all worth it to just have a piece of intimacy so pure and so deep with God, a magical moment in comparison to nothing of this Earth.

God whispering in my ear saying don't give up, I am here with you. Just stick with me long enough and I'll show you me. Trust me, don't quit. That drive, those moments, that strength God gave me, that deep powerful intimacy of someone going through hell with you and back, holding your hand, catching your tears, holding you as you scream from the depths of your soul. That, whatever it is, that, which is too deep and complicated to have a name. That, is why I am here, ready for part two. Giving it all I've got. Holding on tighter than ever to God and serving His people in the process.