CROHN'S

To be quite honest returning to Argentina and everything that came with it was probably one of the toughest decisions I had to make.  To leave home, my family and everything familiar and returning to the feelings of uncomfortableness and having my sins/weaknesses  revealed did not seem intriguing. And during the 10 hour flight back to Buenos Aires I kept asking myself, Why am I going back?

Well I think I finally have an answer....Crohn's Disease

My journey of getting sick and living in and out of hospitals. Getting treated like an experiment, not being able to eat or drink anything for weeks. Having machines hooked up to me and "feeding" me the nutrition I would get from food (like calcium, vitamins etc). Feeling those extremely familiar stomach pains that were so desperately unbearable that I had no choice but to go directly into the emergency room. Screaming at the top of my lungs for God and asking him to save me. Trying diet after diet in search of hope. Not having enough money to buy my medicine, crying in front of nurses when they told me there's nothing they can do for me. Not being allowed to see the doctors because I owed unpaid hospital bills.

That was my darkest most tragic moment. However, it was also the most intimate and magical moment I have ever encountered with God. That, is what made it all worth it. That, He, is why I would do it all over again. Though Argentina is hard and it hurts and it's challenging and uncomfortable. Though most days I can't handle it anymore and pray for God to send me home. It's all worth it to just have a piece of intimacy so pure and so deep with God, a magical moment in comparison to nothing of this Earth.

God whispering in my ear saying don't give up, I am here with you. Just stick with me long enough and I'll show you me. Trust me, don't quit. That drive, those moments, that strength God gave me, that deep powerful intimacy of someone going through hell with you and back, holding your hand, catching your tears, holding you as you scream from the depths of your soul. That, whatever it is, that, which is too deep and complicated to have a name. That, is why I am here, ready for part two. Giving it all I've got. Holding on tighter than ever to God and serving His people in the process.