Slay me O Lord

The bible says "you will know them by their fruit....you will know who they are by the way they love.."

I lack love,

The love that I say I have for people is conditional,

It's based on the mood I'm in that day,

It's limited and if you push me.....

I'll quit and move on to something or someone else who's appreciative,

My emotional nature is immature and hates to be corrected who are you to tell me what to do

While doing things in the name of God I end up doing more harm than good

Lacking fruit

And leaving a bad taste of Christian in people's mouth

And the cycle repeats itself,

It's almost like being struck  in the rinse cycle

something's not adding up

 "you will know them by the way they love.."

And you will know them by the way they don't love

which category does that leave me in

Slay me O Lord

To not love means to not know you

which assumes that if I do not know you then I cannot possibly love you though I think I do

There's something wrong

There has to be more

This can't be it

Slay me O Lord

I can easily stay here and pretend to be satisfied with church on Sundays and bible study throughout the week

volunteering here and there and giving food to the homeless

and yet I'm uncomfortable

Slay me O Lord

This can't be the reason of your sacrifice

Slay me O Lord